Dear Self,
6 or so months from now you will have forgotten all that your body entailed during the duration of your pregnancy. You will, inevitably, see a pregnant Momma and wish for those feelings again. You will wish to feel the same unknowns and uncertainty and anticipation as you see across every expectant Mother's face. You will wish to feel those amazing movements that are truly indescribable, yet surreal. You will long to not have to suck your stomach in during the "after baby" phase, wishing for a legitimate excuse to eat 8 times a day and all the questions and congratulations you get from strangers. You will miss the attention all pregnant Mommas get. You will miss feeling cute and confident. You will miss the special treatment and extra helpful hands strangers offer. You will miss the mesmerizing sight in the mirror of seeing your belly grow & expand from every imaginable angle. You will miss all the pregnancy clothes that have sentimental value. The sweater you wore with your first and third pregnancy.....the swimsuit you wore for your second and third pregnancy....those jeans...that cute top... It's possible that when your tiny baby is screaming his little head off for whatever reason he decides, that at that moment you will remember back to how truly "easy" you had it while he was on the -inside- quiet as can be, no demands. You will wonder if you will ever be pregnant again. You will begin to fantasize about future birth dates, future names and start to strategize the plan for your life...
STOP!
Open your eyes & look at your family and realize each one of them is a Gift Straight From God. Realize His plan is the only plan you need to be concerned with. And that concern is not worth dwelling over. Realize, truly realize that all these things you long for is only because you have already experienced them. That's Amazing. The movements of life inside you is amazing.
Now since you are 6 months or more away from your pregnancy...you will also, inevitably, have forgotten all that your body entailed during the last several weeks of your previous pregnancy...
So let me remind you...
You may have forgotten what 6 months brought, so let me remind you that you had the stomach flu, food poisoning, a terrible and terribly lengthy head cold, a yeast infection and your first ever hemorrhoids. It wasn't a great month.
7 months only brought more bodily soreness. Including, but not to be limited to...
Your feet hurt. Your back hurts. You have low energy after 3pm every day. Your stomach is all messed up...constipation...diarrhea... Your body has added stretch marks, despite the fact that you lathered yourself up and down with lotion every single day. You cannot see your own underwear. If you sit too long your back hurts. If you stand too long your feet hurt. It is a 6-step process to get out of bed in the morning. (Which is 6 steps too many when you really have to pee badly every morning) Your stomach has expanded soo much that you often feel it could literally split open because you are doubtful you have room to stretch any more. The 30+ times a day braxton hick contractions that you once found very fascinating have begun to hurt the larger your belly grows. You have a difficult time doing simple things you long for....bending over, piggy back rides, carrying your children longer than 2 minutes, laying on your back with out the weight hurting, playing hide & seek in small places & not feeling like you are going to throw up if you bend down, dropping something & simply picking it up, not being out of breath at the top of a flight of stairs... Did I mention your feet & back hurt?
You know you waddle and you're not okay with it. You have to consciously not waddle. And you sigh, a lot.
You Are Uncomfortable!!!
Despite reading all of this I know you will still wish for all the wonderful parts of being pregnant. And that is okay. Because truly, it's wonderful you've ever been pregnant in the first place. God is Good, and these discomforts are a small price to pay to be a part of a true miracle. Three times. But for now, try to focus on what you have and do not worry about the future.
One day at a time.
With Love, Me.
6 months--Photo by Audrey
7 months--Photo in Skamania
