July 15th through the years!

I miss my husband.

Today is our 5th Anniversary & we are across the state from each other. I'm sitting here in a quiet home remembering back over the last 5 years of how we celebrated each July 15th...

2005

Our wedding was beautiful, memorable and meaningful.

Uncle Mike Silva wrote our very special vows, we were surrounded by all our friends and family and I felt beautiful. We honeymooned in gorgeous Whistler, Canada (in part because we had met in Canada) and we loved every minute of it...and each other!

2006

Year 1: restful & fun

Hubby booked a room in the ever relaxing Skamania Lodge in Washington.

We "played" tennis.....hubby got to experience first hand my lack of coordination and although he did get a little frustrated at times running after my crazy balls, we laughed a lot, he taught me a lot & soaking our tired muscles in the outdoor waterfall spa was just what we needed by the end of the night. We ate their famous seafood buffet & drank good wine.

We wished we would have booked two nights instead.

Oh! And on the way home we confirmed a purchase of a puppy from a litter that was born on our first anniversary.... Puppy dog would be named, Lucy Goosey.

2007

Year 2: things were new.

I was 4ish months prego and we had just found out it was baby GIRL Audrey! We received a transfer from sea to land and were g.r.a.t.e.f.u.l! We bought our cute little home and moved in July 1st. 15 days later, on our 2nd anniversary we were broke & both equally tired, me from all the stress moving & unpacking entails & a constant carsickness feeling a.k.a Audrey growing, and Aaron from trying to learn new roads, new people & a new emotional hormonal wife :)

We were still sleeping on our blow up Areo bed in our bedroom, we were tired, cranky from the heat, exchanged a few grumpy/mumbles of "welp, happy anniversary" and went to sleep.

2008

Year 3: yummy & sweet.

We talked about going away.

We talked about getting a babysitter.

Instead, we decided to go out to dinner, as a family :) Baby girl Audrey was 7 months. She slept while we ate & drank yummy drinks. We shared dessert & she awoke happy & eager to smile at us and everyone else. My heart was warm.

2009

Year 4: poor Eeyore

Hubby was across the state for training with the swat team. I was an uncomfortable 7 months pregnant with Ellie. It was hot, I was tired & Audrey had a terrible stomach virus

.all.week.long.

I remember plenty of fluids (minus urine) coming out of both her little ends all hours of the day & night. I remember being out of Tylenol at a crucial fever moment & waddling through Albertson's to get more Popsicles, Gatorade and medicine. I also remember Audrey seemed very tired on our way home from the store, so I thought instead of going home I would take advantage of being out of the house & just keep driving into the country roads..

I remember taking a wrong turn and ending up on a never-ending winding road that I was sure would eventually straighten up. When the road eventually ended & turned to gravel about 20min away from home, I decided now would be a good time to turn back around and go through all those curves again.

I remember she suddenly awoke gagging.

I later remember thoroughly hosing out her car seat & washing the liners. I remember sobbing while giving Audrey a bath. I felt badly for her and felt exhausted and miserable and homesick for my love. I remember she leaned in for a hug saying "Come mere Mommy" to comfort me. I cried harder it was so sweet. Hubby sent me a BeAuTiFuL arrangement of our wedding flowers the Stargazer Lily, as well as combined with a dozen roses. Yes, I cried more. I also smiled a lot more after that.

2010

Year 5: loving life

Once again, my husband is across the state for training. We have tried to busy ourselves up, which most days isn't hard with two youngsters. I have been pretty distracted & enjoyed having best friends Terese & Noah stay the night and two full days with us. I received a spectacular TALL bouquet with yellow Lillies, roses and lots of others I have no idea what they are, other than beautiful. It's bright and cheery with reds, blues, purple and yellow.

I have been giddy all day looking at them. But I miss my favorite friend.

I miss my Aaron now.

I love him & he loves me.

Last year when I was upset, lonesome and mopey my wonderful Mom came over to help me & gave me a card that said something I've now passed on to others because it is so true...

"It's not when or how you celebrate, it's that you have reason to--and you do!!"

And do we ever! We love each other dearly and almost more importantly, we truly like the other person... a lot! So here's to celebrating our marriage as a whole, each day of each year.!!!

Happy 5th Anniversary my Darling!!!!!

My heart overflows some days

Here are some recent pictures I had taken for Father's Day. These are his girls :) He loved them. He loves us! I ordered a large black & white of the one below with their precious profiles pressed together. They are so adorable. There were many to choose from, but I am so glad I chose these three.




The above picture was captured in between shots. It was totally candid, and makes my heart melt looking at it. I love it for many reasons but one is that looking at this picture, I realize my life will never be the same. These two little girls have stretched my heart larger than I could have ever imagined. They have helped to give me confidence in myself and as a mother and provider for their every needs. I adore them both more than any words could possibly describe. It is a selfless, I would, do and have done anything to meet your needs above my own, sort of love. It has not been easy, but their sweetness makes it easier. Often, I find myself cherishing a moment and praying "Thank you Lord for this moment right now." Storing each one up in my heart.


They are helping to shape me into the woman God has so dearly called me to be. After being a servant to the Lord and a submissive, encouraging wife, it is the highest calling a woman could ever have. To be a Mother. To be their Mommy. My life will never be the same, and I absolutely could not feel more blessed to have such an important role in their lives. They are my pride & joy. I long to hold them, giggle with them, kiss them, comfort them. My heart aches for them & with them.

Praise be to God for their lives.

Praise be to God for teaching me true selfless love.

I praise you Lord Jesus for your precious girls:

Audrey Lynn & Ellie Lu

Why we didn't have a playdate

I had been looking forward to getting together with 4 other friends and their kids this afternoon, about one hour away from home. So much so that I had Audrey take an earlier nap so that we could get on the road at a decent time & she'd be refreshed and ready for a super fun playdate with friends! It got a little warmer today so I turned on our box standing fan, as well as one in the kitchen. I placed the box one conveniently right outside Audrey's closed door, hoping the sound of the fan would lull her to sleep, as well as prevent her from hearing me bang around in the kitchen trying to make some goodies to share with our friends. She went to sleep beautifully....or so I thought....and after I busied myself up, cared for Ellie, packed our bags & even took a shower, I walked to Audrey's room to wake her up so we could get going. I noticed her light was on and figured she must be awake and had just turned it on. I opened the door & immediately smelled my old friend, poop. Laying pant less, pull-up less and full stomach less was dear Audrey. I gasped when I saw poop inches from her, smashed into her sheet. More was on her beloved favorite blankets on the ground, a few had "rolled" under the bed....and I'd later find more behind the rocking chair and on several favorite animals.

I gasped "Audrey!" She didn't move. She was obviously pooped. Very, very pooped. So I turned off the light and left the room stunned. I called my friend to let her know we couldn't make it. Eventually Poopy McPooperson woke up, and while having a scream fest and many exhausted tears I coaxed her into the bath so I could do my scrubbin thang...

I later asked Audrey to retell me what had happened.... She explains her side of it best:

"I was saying: Mommmmy!! Mommy! I need to go poop! I need to go poop!"

and what did Mommy do?

"You didn't come. I was knocking, Mommy! Mommy!" (this Mommy couldn't hear over the fans...)

Then what did you do?

"I got right back into my bed and took my pull-up off to go poop"

And where did you poop?

"I pooped everywhere. (wasn't THAT the truth!) I pooped in my bed, then I put it on the floor. Then I turned on the light all by myself! I couldn't see my poops. I pooped some more over there & there & there...and there's some too!"

I apologized for not hearing her knock and yell for me, explaining how she did the right thing trying to let me know. I also emphasized key importance's like how we don't touch poops ever, ever, ever...and how she needs to stop pooping, altogether. (just kidding..)

Just another messy day in my life...lots of repeat cycle laundry today & keeping my Mommy confidence composure. And that, among this ridiculous choice for an outfit, is the reason why we couldn't make our playdate today...

Why we're home a lot, Reason #248

This day just begged to be written about...

After Ellie's AM nap I decided to take the girls to the grocery store. It was before Audrey's nap..which is always a little risky, but I decided to chance it, with the help of McDonalds fries on the way there to tide her over before lunch... ;-)

It's always more work in general to go anywhere with the girls, but getting in & out of the car seems to be one thing I always dread. I NOW LOVE DRIVE THRUS! Not that I personally didn't appreciate pharmacy trips on the way home from the hospital or enjoy burgers, fries, tacos or a large gallon size of Root Beer on my own.... but I now long for places like Quiznos, Great Harvest Bread & GROCERY stores (yeah right..) to get with the program & add a drive through window already! Geesh, don't these places think about Moms with small children?? It sounds silly but it's something we adults totally take for granted. One buckle & you're out & walking! Until you're a Mom.

Picture this: One buckle, open door. Put keys in pocket. Close door, open door #2. Strap baby carrier to self, making sure all those 23 buckles are in place. Lean in, unbuckle 2 buckles, remove baby from car seat. Strap baby in, buckle, buckle, buckle.. Close door. Walk around car, open door. Lean in & grab shopping cart cover from behind car seats for your pneumonia-ridden child. Place under arm pit. Unbuckle 2 buckles from antsy toddler. Instruct to hold sippy cup and any remainder of fries. Place antsy toddler on hip, while she continues to ask to walk, right beside baby in front pack and on the opposite side of shopping cart cover. Close door. Slightly panic because you're not sure if you remembered to put car keys within easy reach once you stepped out of car. Check pocket. Fumble through purse. Check other pocket. Remove keys, lock door behind you. Remain calm & walk with dignity & confidence. Hobble into store for shopping cart to situate the cover, children and your sanity before you begin shopping under a strict timeline of when someone gets cranky, poopy or hungry. Oh and at this point I've most likely received many a looks from the elderly population with a sigh & a tilt of the head of empathy remembering when...

Despite the chaos -before- actually entering the store, everything was going great, I was making wise & healthy food choices (okay somehow Fishy Crackers & a plastic inflated bright pink BALL got put into the cart....note to self: avoid that aisle next time...), we were on our way to the check stand.

I smiled & chatted with the check stand lady, glad we'd been quick enough everyone was still happy & that going down for a nap should be as routine as if we'd never left the house. And then I swiped my new credit card. The lady kindly informed me that they did not accept credit card there. I cried a little inside. I did a peripheral glance towards the growing line of people behind me. I died a little more inside when the man behind me readjusted himself with a tilt of the head out of impatience, no empathy from the middle-aged overweight impatient man population, apparently. I smiled & told the lady I could not pay. She offered to have them bag my things so that I could go get money & come back. She apparently was unaware how many buckles it takes to "go & come back"!!!!! :-) I agreed and after a small conversation about how this lady would need to have the beloved new pink ball back, which had already been explained to this lady that "this ball is mine. It's my ball.." I left my pride behind & walked out of that store just as we walked in. No groceries, but arms full.

Buckle, buckle, everyone back in car. This grocery store happened to be the one at the end of town, farthest away from our house, which just slightly added to the stress of "quickly going back home & back to the store" to reclaim my pride. We made it & I'm not even ashamed to say I left my children in the car while I ran inside our house to grab the cash on the counter I assumed I would not need due to new credit card. We live in a safe everyone-watches-out-for-one-another neighborhood & to my credit I locked them inside for the brief 27 seconds I was away. And if you're still judging my parenting and especially are not a parent read up a few paragraphs to see why I may have decided not to go through that again.. :-)

Back to the store, back to get our things, back home. Thankfully Audrey stayed pretty cheerful through the whole thing, and ended up taking a good long nap once we did finally get back home.

And Thankfully I actually did have money, just not when & where I needed it at the time.

Some days my loving husband suggests I take the girls someplace while he is away working, for fun. Some days he comes home from somewhere & encourages me such&such would be a fun little "outing" to go on with the girls, by myself, for fun. I continue to reassure him that sometimes it's just a lot of work, and that I enjoy being home and/or strolling somewhere instead. He is a wonderful daddy & an appreciative husband, but has, for the record, never taken the girls out together anywhere by himself besides once or twice to eager helpful grandparent hands. :-)

And, unfortunately, he may never now that I posted the logistics of what a car ride entails! :-/

YOU CAN DO IT!! :-)

Loving

I Love loving them.