I'm in time-out.

I just wanted to write real quick about the most peaceful moment of my week. It is happening right now.

We are getting ready to go on our annual camping trip and currently have our camp trailor, given by my in-laws, parked outside of our house. It's normally parked year-round at my in-law's since they have room and space for it with their acreage. But we brought it out here to the city last night to get it ready for our trip. This morning Audrey & I played around in it opening up all cupboards and figuring out what we need more of, less of and frankly trying to remember what was in it since last summer. But them, of course, in the middle of things being pulled out and halfway through my wipe-down of counters, etc, Audrey decides she wants to get out of it. So since I was in the middle of being productive, I did what would any Mom do, I handed her a cool camp utensil and asked her to tell me about it. She pulled it apart and handed it back to me saying she didn't want it, it's broken.

Soooo.....we headed back inside our house. There was a bit of a screamfest over a scraped knee from tripping outside on the sidewalk. She ate lunch, Ellie woke up and has been really clingy lately (read previous post to see that I totally did not mind)..possibly due to teething. She cried when I put her down so I could tend to Audrey's bleeding knee. Audrey cried harder the more I told her she was going to be okay and that it will feel better soon if I just put this band-aid on....

(Sidenote: why is it that children are FIXATED on opening up band-aid wrappers and peeling the tags off to stick band-aids all over themselves, their animals, their sister, their mother, the wall...you get the idea... BUT once they actually need a band-aid they are scared to death of it...or is that just my child? When I was looking for one simple band-aid I found more wrappers then I'd like to count.)


Lots of little girl tears later, I was finally able to scarf down my lunch at 2:30pm knowing Audrey was asleep in her bed and Ellie would be soon....but of course was not feeling like she wanted to play on the floor while I ate my plate on the chair by her, so what did she do? Managed to climb onto a toy to get on the chair to grab for me to climb up onto my face, to reach for my food that was spicy, and total choke hazard for miss Ellie Bee. It was stressful. I tried to ignore the little monkey that was very much invading my personal bubble space, while I ate as fast as I could.

Finally both girls are asleep and I grabbed my little laptop and headed for a time-out of my own. Our camp trailor. We love it and can't wait to use it again. But for now, it shall be my little home-away-from home quiet space when Mommy needs a break. This is lovely. I have windows open and have been enjoying hearing birds chirping and the wind blowing onto my face. Sure, it still needs to be wiped down and gone through and camp lists/food lists made....but for now I am not going to worry about any of that.

To add to my relaxing Mommy time-out, Aaron just brought me a smirnoff cranberry & lime (it's a fruity malt beer), my drink of choice so far this summer and a beer of his own and said "think we should keep this up year-round??" Knowing just how relaxed I am right now, I'm thinking that sounds like a great idea.

Cheers!

on Knowing One, Learning Another

Those that read my blogs can tell that I adore both of my children, with out question, equally. Right?

Those that know me well can tell that I give my all, day in & day out with equal amounts of energy to my two little beloveds. Right?

But the truth is, those very few select people that are the absolute closest to me and know my heart, know that raising Ellie Lu and caring for her has been harder for me, and very unequal to Audrey. Unequal, in this context means that it has been dramatically different..which has made it a harder learning process. This is not about favorites. They are both my little Gifts.

The deep Love is Automatically the same.

But they are two totally different girls, so naturally our relationship is going to be different. I, however, was not prepared for that. Aaron & I have this joke: "..and then there's Ellie" for just about everything. To be dramatic, but semi-true, she has not needed me from the start. (See below..)

I felt closer than close to Audrey since I peed and 2 lines appeared.

Is this too personal?

Oh well, it shows my complete joy from day 1, and thats the point.

And since then, I imagined a strong connection to all my children to be just like it has been with Audrey. This sweet face is all I'd ever known!

We are sillier than silly, we have a great time and we get each other. However, it has been a slow process of feeling like I "get" Ellie. It's not so much I haven't felt bonded to my Ellie Lu, it's that I have spent SO much time & energy caring for Audrey's needy sensitive needs, Ellie has just sort of squeezed her way into the world I've known for the past 3 years. And she has less needs and therefore shows much more independence at an early age. Selfishly, my heart longs for her dependence on me, and I daily continue to pursue her. (example: I hold her close to me as long as she will allow..we usually max out at 4 seconds.) However.....It's not a matter of who needs me more & therefore who I feel closer to, I am learning that it actually has a lot more to do with knowing Audrey and learning Ellie and I feel I'd like to try to put my thoughts & feelings into words for the first time:

(This may come across as me being self-centered and maybe even a little bit pathetic, but it is my emotions, straight from my Mommas Heart...And it's for my Sweet Ellie Lu to know how much I truly, truly Love her & long to let her have me love her deeply)

Before Ellie's arrival, Audrey had been all I have ever known, experienced and LOVED as a Mother. She makes being a Mom so fun and enjoyable and her emerging personality fits mine so well....we are like two peas in a pod! She needs me and we are close.

Sweet Audrey Lynn has had "issues" literally her entire little life. Not many people know but in the womb, at our first ultrasound, we were told she has some traits that match that of a down syndrome child with added calcifications on her heart as well as a slow to function kidney. I remember instantly feeling close to her, my first instinct was to protect her from this world. She needed me. There were a huge mix of emotions from that ultrasound to our follow-up ultrasound a week later at Emmanuel Hospital's "high risk pregnancy" office.

In that week: I cried a lot, our "perfect" healthy beloved first born may not be just that. I researched a lot. I sat in the public library for hours reading stories on mother's with down syndrome babies and children and life as adults. I did a lot of talking with God. By the end of the week that led up to our follow-up appointment, the Lord had eased many fears & so graciously had given me an excitement at the possibility to love on this down syndrome child...our child! We decided to treat our 2nd appointment as just an opportunity to "see" our precious child again.

(Alas, the professional technician concluded that among a long list of down syndrome symptoms our child's symptoms were nothing to worry about and that because ultrasounds are fairly new "there are probably many healthy adults walking around with these same symptoms.")

Months later, it was birthing time. Once we arrived to the hospital and monitors were beeping away, there was a lot of concern about her heart rate. The umbilical cord was wrapped several times around her neck and shoulder, I was given oxygen with hopes it would reach her & assisted in several different positions to try to unravel her. Nothing seemed to help & with each contraction she was being squeezed with her heart rate dropping. Quickly. Things picked up and she was born quick enough to need no intervention.

She was blue, but born. Praise God for her birth!

Flash forward to her first cold at 9 months, which turned into her first bat with pneumonia, her first hospitalization and the first time someone mentioned the possibility of having Cystic Fibrosis... Wikipedia says: Cystic fibrosis (also known as CF) is a common disease which affects the entire body, causing progressive disability and often early death.... Ginny Mommy says: tears, cry, tears, lots more research, lots more talking with God, tears.

A few hospitalizations later, suspicion grew and appointments were scheduled. Ultimately, tests conclude she does not have CF. THANK YOU JESUS! But we all know the story does not end there and there have since been many more hospital stays, ER visits and countless antibiotics prescribed for upper respiratory infections.
And let's not forget the daily battle to maintain her asthma.

In a heartbeat, I would take all that we've been through with Audrey's illnesses away from our memories, and the issues her body has endured to never have happened. But the truth is, these moments have shaped us all and grown us all closer together. And with each sickness she has learned to trust us and she has needed me more. I am the one she clings to when tests are done, I am the one she begs for when someone unfamiliar in scrubs is doing anything to her. I am the name she sobs with piercing "please help me!" eyes. I am the one who acts calm for her when she is scared.

I am her comfort and she clearly needs me. We are close.

And then there's Ellie.........

This "happy surprise" pregnancy initially made me cry overwhelmed tears. But I just knew I would adore her from the start. How could I not? She is a gift! Pregnancy went fairly well. Despite being initially sicker than my first pregnancy, a few fainting spells in public places (due to a drop in blood sugar both times), and a super rambunctious soccer player hanging out in my uterus, I had little complaints.

Yes, he's responsible. And proud of it.

Then it was birthing time. Once we arrived at the hospital, the nurses were not able to complete my paperwork because she was born so fast. I hardly had to push to get her to be born (4x I think??). She cut herself off breastfeeding at around 4months. She has always pushed away from me from the time her little arms had strength to do so. I used to get daily scratches on my face from her flailing arms and fingers. Way different then my slow-to-move baby Audrey and much different than her very deliberate movements. Ellie has in fact, viciously broken 2 sets of glasses right off my face, and more recently my only good pair of sunglasses into an amazing 5 pieces in a matter of a split second off my face and into her hands. I am constantly dodging her flailing hands. This girl has got a grip! She pinches noses, hard. She has drawn blood more than once from everyone in our home. And oh does she pull hair.... I still try to hold & rock her before bed some nights because it does my heart good but she practically lunges out of my arms towards her crib. So many funny differences, where to start.....

Audrey had little interest in crawling and could sit and play forever. Ellie is not a sitter. She isn't a fan of most toys & would prefer to jet across the room at some hazard, since being 6 months old. She tries to climb. Enough said.

Audrey used to fall asleep nursing, thus more stimulation, thus longer ability to nurse her. Ellie would be alert the whole time and cry flailing around slapping me and pinching anything in sight if the milk flow was declining as if I was starving her until the following feeding.

Audrey & I used to practically drink her bottles together :) Once she could hold the bottle herself, I would lay beside her and hold her kissing her all over her face with the occasional taste of formula as her mouth slightly opened while she smiled, soaking her Momma's love in. (Grossed out? Don't be, it's MommaLove! haha) As you can imagine, kissing Ellie's face while bottle feeding = flailing, more scratches & pushes away.

Ellie got her first TWO teeth in at the same time never making a peep about it, even while also having a slight fever. Audrey has been milking a very fully-recovered injury from weeks ago, telling everyone in sight what happened & reminding us daily.

Maybe we will always have a baby in the house.... ;)

Ellie, they say, had impressive neck strength and impeccable tracking abilities since birth. Audrey had a weird rare weak muscle thing in her neck first few weeks of her life, we were taught different therapies to stretch it out.

Audrey has been our little talker from a very early age, while Ellie has clearly been more about "doing" than sitting around staring at Momma's mouth while I repeat words slowwwly.

Busy, busy.

Always yanking on the camera strap.

Audrey has now graduated from sobbing on the ground in the fetal position rocking back & forth at even the word "vacuum" (no joke) to now running out of the room with fingers shoved into her ear drums until I announce "all done!".

Ellie laughs and crawls towards the roar of the vacuum......

I cannot express this enough. These two girls are SO very different already. Audrey has always needed me to guide her way! Ellie....not so much. How could I have thought that my children would be the same? For some reason, I did. And I think the reason why it's been difficult for me is because I have felt closest to Audrey when I am caring for her in her (our) darkest hour. When Audrey is crying her head off I am able to comfort & calm her back down at the sound of my soothing words and gentle touch. Ellie does not cry too often (blessed to have a happy baby--for sure), but when she has cried her head off in the past the only thing that works is to simply put her down in her crib so she can suck her own thumb, turn away from you, and soothe herself. I have expressed this to some Mom's and been met with "wow, lucky you!" "I wish my child didn't need me like that!" and "how do you get her to soothe herself?" ...but the truth, as odd as this sounds, the hardest part, thus far, about balancing my two children is that my 2nd born soothes herself!

Example: Besides that lovely newborn stage where they fall asleep every 8 minutes on whoever, wherever, Ellie has never been one to fall asleep on me. I've longed for that. I've even tried to force it and been met with disappointment as I yet again realize she would simply fall asleep if I just laid her down. A few weeks ago, however, Miss Ellie Lu was getting more teeth in and had a slight fever and after comforting and soothing my tearful girl, low and behold she fell asleep ON ME! Despite the sad reason, I was thrilled she found comfort in me!! It was such a rare occurrence I actually snapped a picture:

She needs me, I know she does, I'm her Mom for goodness sake! :) But we have definitely had a different last 11 months than Audrey & I did. My heart knew Audrey so well, so it has been a change to try to readjust to Ellie's emerging personality. But I am Thankful for many differences. Most definitely, Ellie Lu has recovered quickly from minor colds and is so eager to learn about the world around her. I'm just trying to keep up with her cute self and taking every opportunity when she indicates she DOES need me as another sign that we are getting closer to being closer :)

Although, you may still hear the echo of me saying "Please Ellie....please sweetheart, just let me hold you. Come on, let me hug you...see? isn't this nice?.." Pretty much each time I pick her up. Aaron laughs. It makes me laugh now too.

But come on, let me love on you already!!!!!!! :)

My highlight of this week: Ellie now deliberately says "Mammma". And by says, I really mean yells it. Did I mention her love language thus far has been yelling? Some may say screaming, really. We call them happy screams since she is not upset, in fact she is usually smiling and acting like she is trying to make a point. Oh & she can now say "up!" when reaching for none other than, me. :) Even if as soon as we turn the corner out of her room she is saying "sissy...sissssysissy...!" with big smiles lunging out of my arms & towards her big sister. :)

And then there's Ellie.............

Our Wedding

Added a few wedding pics to my previous Anniversary post in case anyone wants to take a looksies.

Enjoy!

Audrey the Artist

My 2 and a half year old daugher is the smartest little girl I know. I know a lot of parents have their own parental pride, but seriously, she is a smart kid! :) She has always impressed us and everyone else with her very advanced speech. And now, she is wowing us daily with her art skills. She loves to draw. LOVES IT! She quickly went from squiggling with a chunky crayon on coloring books to insisting on plain white paper with an ink pen. And now, she wants to draw all the time. Here is a recent picture of our family. She is only 2 and a half!!!!!

L-->R Daddy, Mommy, Ellie, Audrey, and the above image is of "Buzz Lightyear" flying. He is facing sideways because he is flying and Audrey says he is saying "To Infinity & Beyond!" Isn't that smart to have him facing sideways because he's flying???? Isn't that smart????

I'm going to disregard the fact that the drawing of me is the only person with the grumpy look on their face........... ;-)

Here is another drawing I found on the side of our speaker next to the TV. Hmm....not such a great habit, we're constantly reminding her "Only on paper!" because she practically walks around with a pen or crayon in her hands at all time.

But still, impressive.

Adding to our family....

New Fish!

4 Tiger Fish = "Fishys"

1 Shark = "Sharky"

1 Snail = "Snailer"

1 Algae Eater Fish = "Hank"

(it sounded like a good janitor's name)

It's a pretty favorite activity around here to sit & watch the fishies :)

It's been 2 weeks.......and they're all still ALIVE!

Today Sweet Ellie stood by herself with out holding onto anything for 3 whole seconds!!!! Well it was probably more like ONE second because--like every new thing that my children do--I scare them with my excited/nervous GASP! Which cuts their potential short. (Sorry girls...I just get a little excited...) But she did it...which means she will be doing it more, then walking with my hands, then taking steps. Oh my little girl. When people ask me how old she these days, I myself am astonished to tell them that her first year birthday is approaching. Because of her little half no-hands stand still today, it reminded me of how far she has come.

Just a few weeks ago I needed to put some mail out, which is in our box directly on the other side of the front door. Ellie was playing with some toys in the TV room. From the time that it took for me to see her playing, open the front door, put mail in box, close front door & glance back over to where she was playing she had climbed up onto our space heater!!!! It was the first time she had pulled herself up on anything. She was just chillin'. Enjoying these new sights a few inches higher than her normal view. But of course, I let out one of my infamous inhale gasps, running to her rescue. She was fine. Praise the LORD I had turned off the heater earlier that day so it was way cooled off. Once I knew she was fine I grabbed the camera...

Just chillin'. It's pretty cool from up here!


Oh Hey Mom!

...Woah...that's a long ways down.


Now.....several weeks later, she has gone from simply pulling herself up onto an object that is inches from the ground...to:

Popping up quickly, pulling up onto couches, chairs, strollers...

Tucking Sally Dolly in to sleep? That is very kind of you, Ellie.

Pulling herself up to the side of the bath....first time she did this I was busy but could see her from where I was and in the back of my mind I thought "wouldn't that be bad if she could--" Thump....cries... GASP, run. Console. She was fine, but if you can't guess what happened, she had tried to reach a toy in the bathtub & fell into it...head first. :-( No water, thankfully. But Uhhhhh...felt TERRIBLE about that one, for the record. The bathroom door now stays closed.
She tries to climb EVERYthing these days.

The plastics cupboard she gets to play with, she now tries to get into.

The dishwasher.

Attempting to get up to the lazy boy recliners.

Climbs up to pound out some tunes on the baby grand.

And Audrey's big girl bed. She does it so quickly now. It's about the cutest thing to see. And she is SO proud of herself :)

Playing peek-a-boo :)

Wrestling. Or as Audrey would say it:

"We're raskeling eachother!"

My favorite place, however, is when you climb up on me baby girl. :)

Audrey's First Garden

How to create the cutest little Garden, Audrey-style:

STEP1: Prepare pots & peek in at the tiny seeds.


STEP 2: Carefully remove each seed and add them one at a time.


STEP 3: Add 2-3 seeds per pot. Or 5 or 6....

STEP 4: And now we set the timer and wait! And wait....

STEP 5: And wait... Hmm.... Nothing's happening.

Better make sure I read the instructions right...

*****

A few weeks of growing & daily pride at their growth later....

"Look at my garden! See them Mommy? See how they're growing!"

"And this one is my flower. It's growin' up big & strong!"

"And this one is..... ehh... stop! stop it!"

"NO Ellie!! These are not for you!!"

STEP 6: Do not expect them to live if a 2 yr old is in care of them...

STEP 7: Quit feeling bad about how wilted they got & how they never actually bloomed into flowers, besides, she hasn't asked about them in weeks. Just throw them away already!

STEP 8: Discard & never bring this up again.

Thistled, Officially.

So you think I'm only wordy on my blogs? No sir'ee! I am sometimes even wordier (?) in emails, especially if I have not talked to the person in awhile. I was going through my inbox just now & came across this email I had sent to my brother & his lovely wife who gave me & my darling a gift certificate to this awesome local restaurant called, Thistle. For Christmas, mind you. But we were finally able to get away & use it a few weeks ago in celebration of our Anniversary. I realized it was a really fun evening & never blogged about it, so with no further ado...copy/paste/done.........


Tom & Autumn-


Last night was wonderful. Since Aaron was gone all last week for training across the state, we wanted to get out & celebrate our 5th Anniversary (!!!!) at least sometime in the month of July. What a perfect way to do it then to get all thistled, officially. AND FOR FREE TOO!!!! We called 2 babysitters, one said she wasn't available and in between hearing from the 2nd, Mom said she could come instead....so we chose the free and graciously wonderful option, Grandma Lu. :)

We made reservations, walked downtown to enjoy oysters, salad, lobster wrapped sole in a delicious broth and sauce with peas and herbs, flat iron JUICY beef strips in a dark sauce, berry, peach and nut crisp and a glass of their finest Pinot Noir. Ah, bliss.



It was all very, very delicious. We each tried each others and thoroughly enjoyed our experience. It is quite the little hole in the wall with an industrial look and a window up front where the chef is cooking and facing out. Thank you again for the gift certificate. We wouldnt have been able to do that with out such a huge amount!! We spent it all, easily.

Then we walked a block over to that NW Wine Bar place. It's pretty neat. We had another glass of Pinot Noir each. Me, Panther Creek & Aaron their own NW Pinot, which comes from Eyrie. We lounged in their loft and played a few rounds of pool. ONE of the moments in the night when I realized I don't get out much was when I asked the wine pourer what the odd shaped glass bottle was he had poured into it first before handing me my empty wine glass. "It's just your typical decanter" he says. "Well it's lovely." I replied with a tipsy smile. We decided it would be a great place to take you guys to hang out, and any other friends that come to see us in the future.

Then we began to head home and I told Aaron that if we were dating, I would have cringed at my sore feet and silently dealt. If we were engaged, I may have politely asked if we could walk a little slower only mentioning once that my very cute heels were hurting my feet. But because he has the pleasure of knowing me as his wife of 5 years, by the 8th time I complained about how these shoes were hurting the heck out of my feet, he told me to just take them off already! So I did. I walked barefoot from downtown to our home, doing a giant loop of our neighborhood just for fun, because we could. We were childless and enjoying our togetherness. And because it was a lovely warm, romantic night.

Thanks again for treating us to our lovely night Tom & Autumn!!!!

We love & appreciate you! And look forward to seeing you in a few weeks!! Talk to ya soon,

Ginny :)

Ellie resting?

This girl never stops. Never. She is always moving. Always wanting to get down and crawl. Trying to climb everything. Trying to crawl into everything.

Here she is stopping for a cup of tea to then, no-doubt throw the cup and keep on movin'

Cheers to you cutie girl!

I am a golfer, I golf.

I have a pink golf bag!!!!!! Isn't it adorable?!???

My Dad gave me some golf clubs a few years ago, and they sadly sat in my brother's old golf bag for the majority of their life in my possession. Handsome hubby took me out a time or two to the driving range and I loved it. But through the years brought me big bellies and tiny babies, and I never got "back on the course" once my belly began to grow. I really enjoyed it though, and finally after years of talking about getting a PINK golf bag to complete my "look" as a golfer....handsome hubby found me this gorgeous used one!!!! You should have heard me squeal. Friends, I am now a golfer.

Last week we decided to go out to our local driving range, as a family. It was very fun. Packed up a lunch, loaded up the stroller and of course both my golf clubs and a mini golf club for Audrey-pie who is also semi-pro in the making. Ellie watched from the stroller, Audrey ate PB & J while congratulating me on my superb swing. I only whiffed it twice, got a few in the 160 yard range, averaging around 100 yards. Not bad for this athletically challenged girl. I think having a cute pink bag totally helped. There are future plans for me to actually golf a course for the first time. Stay tuned.

Aside from the instructions from my semi-pro golfer husband, other's in our home have taken it upon themselves to instruct the rest of us.

I've even got my own future caddy, fancy that!