Easter Weekend

Admiring the beautiful colored eggs.

Trying to warm the eggs so they will hatch.

Time to decorate our tree with Easter eggs!

(I can't get over Ellie's small dimple, it's absolutely adorable!)

Hmmm....what's in this one....

Empty again!

Ta-Da!

Umbrella Tragedy

" Never, under any circumstance, open up an umbrella indoors. "

Isn't that what we are supposed to teach our children?

Not: "hand your children an umbrella to play with when they beg to go outside and ride their bikes in the pouring rain, all for the sake of pictures before you know they will, inevitably, break the cheap thing which will end all questions of going outside since, said umbrella, is now broken."

I'm smarter than you think girls.

Hey, one less hazard in the home that was once used to chase/scare the dog with. Win-win.

4 Kisses

Dear Ellie Lu Bear,

Do you mind that I can't stop staring at you lately? I have your face well memorized by now. Not in the--finally after 19 months I can recognize your face in a crowd--memorize. But a--I know I can make you give me a certain look if I do this or that--memorize. A kind of familiarity that assures me you are mine and I am yours. Every speck of color in your eye I have memorized (green, blue, brown). Your nose shape. Your hairline. Your soft pink cheeks. Every bit of you is beautiful to me. I know you will only allow a certain number of kisses before I get pushed away. I'm okay with that number now.

I know all Mom's probably go in & out of trying to make up one-on-one time with their 2nd born. I am no exception. A few weeks ago it was Crystal Light. I would sneak a little bit into your water sippy cup, give you a wink which was met with your smile. Your smart big sister figured it out at some point and the trick was over.

The other day while your Sister was sleeping, I brought you into the shower with me. While my other girlie would have lasted a whole 3 minutes before she'd cry and cry and beg to get out due to water in the eyes, you loved it. We played, we cleaned. We hugged. Maybe that could be our "thing" now, until we are discovered. Shower Hour. Bring your sweet cheeks and smiley wet face :)

I Love you Ellie. You are becoming so much of what I didn't know I needed my whole life.

You are you and a Beautiful You, you are.

My Lovely Heart is Melted, once again.

The other day I had just asked the girls to sit for lunch and we were chit chatting about nothing in particular while I made up each of their lunch plates. I wasn't paying attention to our conversation a great deal, I was mainly focused on cutting up food and getting my own lunch made too. I handed each girl their plate and told Audrey (who appreciates hearing the plan of action at any given time) that I would be sitting down to eat with them in just a minute, as I went back to getting my own lunch made. I heard Audrey whisper so I glanced over and she was turned towards the wall whispering then gave me a really big smile.

Here's how our conversation went:

"What did you just say?"

"(whispering)I said~my Mom is the best"

"(big smile, half laughing) What did you just say??"

".....I said, you're the best Momma."

"Sweetheart, that's so nice of you!! ..But what made you say that??"

"Because you're just so Lovely!"

My goodness. Did she really just call me "Lovely"? First time I have ever heard her use that word. Oh man, I think I'm going to wrap that little conversation up, tie it with a big red bow and keep it in my heart.

Forever!

It takes a Lovely little Girlie to melt her Momma's heart so darn easily.

Wearing our boredom on our sleeves, feet, faces...

This is what happens when you have...

a. Been sick & housebound

b. Had a Mommy who has been sick & housebound

c. Find contentment in silly everyday things

d. All of the above

You find a "scrap" paper of a heart-cut out and insist on "wearing" it.

After not taking a nap, you walk out of your room "wearing" two plastic tupperwear on your feet, shuffleing around...When asked what you were doing you say:

"I just wanted to make you laugh Momma!"

And you did :) You know me, the most surprising sights make me laugh the most! :)

Like gigantic vests that swallow you whole!

Or pushing the chair on the ground while laughing hysterically. Momma asks you what you are doing and you explain how your shirt is pulling the chair around..not you.

**Apparently when we are bored around the house a common activity is to Wear things?! Funny!**

In the Chicken Coop

You'll notice that I'm not actually in the chicken coop on the last video. After running around after two of them who had gotten out & "shooing" them back, I was content to keep the door secure. Audrey-pie on the other hand didn't want to leave!! So I let her run around in with the chickens until it was time to go scramble our findings! :)

Chicken Scratch

First we check the Bunny Rabbits for food & water!

Awhile back we were asked by our neighbor friend to please look after their animals while they would be away. We were Thrilled!!! What a fun adventure it was each day to go check on the bunnies & chickens, giving appropriate food, water, chicken scratch & collecting any eggs multiple times a day. Aaron & I have talked about how fun it would be to have a few chickens and raise our own eggs, and this just made me realize how much fun the girls would have doing their "chicken chores"! We only took care of them for a weekend, but we enjoyed it a lot. Each morning Audrey would rush to get dressed so we could walk down there to check on the animals. We collected about 3 eggs a day!

Found one!

Good-bye Chickens!

Dance Fever

Prior to our sicknesses now, we had one of our memorable Family Dance Parties. We all love these!! They usual begin with Aaron playing guitar, Audrey on harmonica and Ellie on plastic recorder. Then it progresses to a CD being played loud for all to dance to....

Tired & Humbled: Momma Thoughts on More Children.

God's a funny man.

Every single time, with out fail, that I have ever even remotely expressed/written or even thought that I am the most patient mother in the universe, I am quickly--sometimes very quickly--reminded that I am in fact not. I am not patient.

I AM NOT PATIENT!

I actually am pretty patient....which I say very quietly and hesitantly....but lately I am reminded that I am not as patient a Mommy as I thought I was under trying times.

Both of the Little Girlies are sick right now. Sometimes my "humble reminders" come in the form of sickness, and this time is one of those times. Now before I go on, let me assure you that just because the Girls get sick in the future doesn't, necessarily, mean that I have shouted from the rooftops something along the lines of, "This is Easy! Give me a challenge!". But today I am going to confess that may be partially the truth.

Last weekend I was able to go away with 8 other girls, all Mommas, to a beautiful favorite beach not too far away. We had no husbands, no children, no napping/meal schedules, no rules! It was a refreshing change of scenery, and a wonderful opportunity to hear the hearts of these woman as well as laugh a ton, eat yummy food, drink good champagne & wine and simply, Relax. Besides building the friendships, I still can't decide what my favorite part about the weekend was, the surprisingly beautiful weather, having others cook for me or sleeping in until 9:30!!!! But none-the-less it was a great weekend.

During one of our lengthy conversations about our children who weren't there (of course they still came up lots and lots in convo!), the question was posed to the group: "Do you want to have any more children?" Every girl there has 2 children besides one girl who has 3. We all went around and gave our answer. They were all similar answers, phrased slightly differently...

"No, we're done."

"We'll probably have one more."

"We're okay with more, but we feel done right now."

etc. etc.

Then it was my turn to answer. I smiled and confidently said:

"I feel like I'm just getting started!"

Honestly, most days I do. I love so many parts about being a Mommy, I feel like I have SO much overflowing love for my two girls right now. I feel excited at the possibility to love on an entirely different little person. Oh I can only imagine what other child is waiting for me to Love them! I sometimes feel sad imagining myself "out" of this stage of my life, this child rearing babyhood/toddler years. Every once in awhile Aaron and I talk about what 3 children might look like for our family. I sometimes feel sad thinking about going through this short period of time only "one more time". Being apart of the miracle of a Life! Going through pregnancy, labor (yes I said labor), birthing and those first weeks of blurriness that you never, ever get back with that child. I sometimes daydream about the newness of a tiny newborn again and how exciting each and every little movement or sound or facial expression is.

When I see a pregnant Momma with her first child...

I put myself back to that unsure, emotional time of excitement and unknowns and so many "what if" questions. And then I think to hours after giving birth, holding this tiny little Gift in my arms and vividly remembering how beautifully perfect everything seemed. I try to imagine what is going through a pregnant Mommy's mind and sometimes send them mental thoughts of "You have no idea what is coming & life will never be the same....but it is going to be okay. And so much of your new life is going to be far better than you could have ever dreamt."

When I see a pregnant Momma with a young toddler...

I think back to the unknowns of how to balance it all, how to make each child feel loved and cared for, and how on earth will I ever sleep again? I send that Mommy mental thoughts of "You are doubting every bit of yourself and thinking back to the challenging parts of having a newborn, but with time, it will truly be easier than you thought...You are going into this baby with experience and wisdom...You will be fine."

Basically a lot of my friends think I'm well, a little crazy. I continue to hear phrases like "I just want to pop them out already so I can move on with my life!". It makes me sad for these Moms because I hope they are not missing out on the littlest of little details that sometimes make the days seem really long. All to "get on with" their lives?? I sure hope their children don't feel that way. It makes me sad that some woman do not enjoy Motherhood. It's not all roses and jelly beans over here day in and day out, but I cherish so much of the littlest gestures Audrey will make or the funniest look Ellie gives when she is in trouble, that I am in awe at how meaningful my role is as their Mother. And it reminds me that I am made for this.

Truly. It's the only thing I absolutely know for sure. I was created to be a Mom. Their Mom. That doesn't mean I'm great at it. I sometimes discipline inconsistently, I sometimes give in when I have previously stated reasons why the answer is "no" very firmly... I never get up before the girls anymore, they are my alarm clocks. I sometimes shut the gate to the kitchen & instruct no one to come in only so I can push all the buttons on the coffee maker all by myself and pour the sugar all by myself and stir everything and not make a single mess! I sometimes turn on cartoons first thing in the morning and show after show will go on before I realize I got so sleepy sitting there with them that I forgot to make breakfast! I sometimes am in the middle of a phone call or texting conversation with a Mommy-friend and realize messes are being made, things are broken and Audrey is learning phrases like "Mom, pay attention to me!" I am disorganized and my home is often untidy.

I have plenty, plenty! of faults and lazy tendencies. But I also have a lot of Love.

So back to my little comment at the beach house?

I'm Just Getting Started??

How completely arrogant! Why couldn't I have just said "Oh we'd like to have more eventually" or something vague like "If it happens it happens!"

But no, I have to have this Little House on the Prairie image of the big farmhouse with a dozen of our well-behaved HEALTHY little helper children running around in their homemade dresses drinking fresh-squeezed orange juice & after completing their home school work they quickly ask me what chores I would like for them to do... Oh my, is that really my dream? Honestly, I've never even seen that show/movie/book?

And now? Back to Reality? After a few rocky nights "sleep" with these little girlies being sick and snotty and not able to breath through their noses and both equally pining for my attention, my hugs, my close scent all day long. Ellie Lu has become quite the needy little girl, leading up to this sickness and now that she isn't feeling well? Very few moments of quiet from her. If she is not in my arms you can hear her. Mostly tearless cries, screams really. We blamed it on teeth for a few days there. Then it was maybe a growth spurt or nearing a milestone/adding to her vocabulary, etc...I've tried everything, and I've tried to meet every need. And today at the suggestion of my husband, who was getting the blunt of my snappy attitude and frustration, I put ear plugs into my ears and kept them in for 2 hours! Of course the cries didn't go away. I could still hear her! But I was able to think a little more clearly with the faint sound of cries in the distance... I've never been so annoyed with my child's crying. I have never felt so frustrated for this long of a time. I get more frustrated at myself when I wonder if this is "all I can handle??" Will I just continue to get more and more impatient with each child in our family, when stressful stretches arise?? I don't know what my dreams are anymore.....

I do know that God is a loving God who has given me capabilities as a Wife & Mother, specifically for Aaron, Audrey and Ellie Lu. I know that He wants me to be at my best for them, and He wants me to remember that I will fail, and that He never will. I know that He won't give me more than I can handle, and that my eagerness to love on more of His children is a gift straight from Him.

My hope & prayer as a daughter of Jesus Christ is that I will make Him proud of the gifts He has given me. I hope & prayer that my children feel loved and cared for, even when I make mistakes. I hope & pray that I can continue to ask for guidance and wisdom because you know what? It works.

I hope & pray I can continue to be humbled again like this (what, am I really asking for this feeling again?), so that I may be reminded that I AM NOT IN CONTROL. I can only control my reaction to whatever situation we are in. Sick girls included.

And I hope & pray that I may be given the opportunity to Mother another--or many more--child(ren), depending on what God allows and not necessarily what we as a couple decide.

And I hope & pray that we all get some rest tonight!!!!!!!

Goodnight world!

So much more weakbutt going on

For the record, the following phrases have been said since my last post....

Said to Mommy:

"Can we sing the weakbutt song again?"

(Mommy changes "they are weak but" to "they are weak and"..gets interrupted by..)

"No Mom, sing the weakbutt song!"

(whispering in my ear) "Momma...I have a secret.......... weakbutt."

"Guess what Mom?....weakbutt."

"Mom I'm all done! ...Come wipe my weakbottom please!"

Said to Babysitter:

"Do you know about weakbutt?" (babysitter shyly says, 'what is that?')

(her answer) "Weeeeeakbuuuuutt."

Said to Grandma Lu, after requesting to call her on phone:

"Hi Gramma! ....weakbutt!"

"Can we call Grandpa now and tell him 'weakbutt?'"

I tried the whole "lets say 'bottom' instead" thing, but frankly, it's not a big deal. It's just an innocent simple silly new phrase. The only part that is a tiny bit sad for me is this beautiful song I've sang her the last 3 years of her life has now taken a turn and gone from "soothing & calming" to "makes her want to repeat it and crack up laughing". But I did laugh first, sooo...

It's especially shocking during the most unexpected moments like when an older neighbor stopped by the other day and Audrey wanted to dance for her and with each twirl she would stop and say "Weakbutt!"

You can't with them all, so why not laugh along!

And for the record, I still find it hilarious.