I worked out.

I recently joined a gym.  Well, let me put it this way...  I recently agreed to volunteer 2 hours a week to watch other people's children in exchange for a free membership at the gym.  My first day of "training" was with a friend who adamantly apologized through out.  Apparently it was a very out of the ordinary chaotic and full day in the childcare and she was worried I would get too overwhelmed if this is how it always was.  I told her it was exactly what I had imagined!  A room full of snotty nosed, disobedient at times children who demand more snacks, smash their crackers into the carpet, poop their pants (sidenote: other people's children's poop always smells so much worse than your own childs), and a few here and there who only want to be held for various reasons (missing Mom...other kids not sharing...etc).  It was truly what I had expected!  I have worked one day since then and it was a lot calmer, so I suppose it could only go up from that first day!?

Anyway, so back to the gym.  I have never been one to work out.  And by never, I mean never.  My track record for joining and quitting gyms is pretty ridiculous.  I just plainly dont like it.  I don't like to feel watched while I struggle.  I don't like to be pushed at anything physical.  I almost got my courage up to try out for cheer leading in high school because I felt like, if anything, that is where I could see myself being as close to a team sport as possible.  But alas, that courage thing got in the way yet again.  All my closest friends were always the athletic girls, the ones that make varsity sports their freshman year...that kind of athletic.  I have always enjoyed watching and cheering on my friends, but the thought of being on a team sport where other people are relying on me to do something physical and not make a fool of myself is still pretty terrifying to me (Which is funny because I have a house full of people who rely on me constantly nowadays and I consider our family a team).  And now, it seems as if all my closest friends are either into Zumba or are marathon runners, or both.  I don't "get" the fascination with running.  Unless there's an emergency with one of my children, or I'm being cornered into a room with a spider....you probably won't see me running.  Do I admire those that choose to huff and puff and get cool shirts that say they ran a 5k, 10k, half & full marathons? Absolutely!!  Have you seen the legs on some of those woman?!?  But as far as I'm concerned, there are about a gazillion things I'd rather be doing. 

Also, I have been told I look like deer when I run, or to put it more bluntly...I frolic.  Add the fact that I get winded going up a flight of stairs to my self conscious trying to "look good" while I run?  Yeah, it aint happening for me.  And Zumba?  Trust me, we have some dance parties in our house and I'm pretty sure I have burned some serious calories with almost daily piggy back rides running after the other sister around the house before switching roles again, again, again.... but, I'm just not ready to share my sweet dance moves with anyone other than the ones who come up to my waist.

However, I joined this gym because this time--this time! I am going to make a habit of working out.  I figured I've got about a dozen friends I know who already work out at this gym and it's a totally free membership.  What do I have to lose?  Here's how it's gone so far....

Day One:  Tried on all my work out clothes and realize nothing fits right.   I'm in a weird in between stage right now with my body...and despite my valiant efforts to make my pre-pregnancy clothes fit....it just isn't happening...  So I drove my 3 babies to our local Walmart and picked out the best of the best on sale for $6 a piece.  (fyi I'm not knocking Walmart, I actually greatly enjoy how inexpensive their clothes are.)

Day Two: Wore work out clothes all day.

Day Three: Wore work out clothes to bed.

Day Four: Wash work out clothes since I spilled my coffee creamer on the pant leg, and also realized I had spit up on the shoulder.  Once out of the dryer....wore work out clothes during day.

Day Five:  Felt inspired to start my new working out habit.  Today was the day!  I got Audrey ready for school, got Ellie and Hunter all ready to go to the gym childcare and quickly got dressed myself.  (I realize normal people don't take a shower before working out, but this was a big day for me so I took my shower)  I couldn't find my gym shoes so decided to take everyone up to drop Audrey off at school then came back.  I turned on Sesame Street for Ellie and began re-searching for those darned shoes in the back of my closet.  I have two containers in my closet, one has purses and the other has shoes I don't usually wear.  I pulled both containers out and searched through them both.  My closet is about the size of a doorway.  Literally, very small.  I looked through that darned closet for 30 minutes!  Y'all I had no work out/walking/tennis shoes!!!!  It had literally been so long since I've done any physical activity...apparently including walking....that I have no shoes.  I could not believe it!  I mean I could, but this was just a little ridiculous.  It was both frustrating and funny to me at the same time.  I checked the clock and I had pretty much missed my window of opportunity to go to the gym during the available childcare hours.  So!  Since the Big Sis was at school and the Two Littles were all fed, changed, and ready to go, I took them to our local shoe store to buy some new kicks.  (by the way, I have always hated that phrase...)  We had a fun time trying on shoes and I found one that will do.  We then went to Burger King for lunch.  Yes, instead of working out, we went and ate french fries and chicken nuggets.  It could have slightly been a set back to this new habit I'm trying to form....

Day Six: Actually went to the gym. New shoes, new attire, I was set.  Thought I'd start out small and begin on the StairMaster.  Yes THE STAIRMASTER.  What was I thinking!  So I hopped on and it asks my weight.  They started with a generic amount and I -immediately- push the down button as to lower to my actual weight....and after turning the numbers down about 12 notches I then realized....umm that first weight? The generic one?  Yeah..thats how nuch I weigh.  so back up it went. And then the time.  You know, how many minutes would I like to purposely torture myself for?  I decided to be generous since it'd been oh about 27 years since I'd worked out...so I set it for 10 minutes.  Easy Peasy.  And then I began.  Walking stairs.  No break.  Level 3....then 2...then 1.  Yes, I had to go down from level 3!  There were no more levels to take it down to after one!  Other than to just get off.  I debated it at 2 minutes but I was determined to keep going.  So for 5 awful long minutes I walked that dang StairMaster.  5 minutes.  That's all I could handle!! ha!  Then I got off and got caught up on all my celebrity gossip via the magazine selection while doing 22 minutes on the elliptical.

Day 7-12: I took a much-needed break from the gym. 

This habit is not looking good people.

Nashville, TN

Is it too late to blog about June?

Short answer: Yes, but I'm going to anyway.

Speaking of My very generous Father paying for and sending us on vacations as Gifts...  (seriously, who does that???)  This Christmas my Mom & Dad treated us to the trip away to Skamania Lodge, last year's huge gift was a trip to Nashville, Tennessee with my parents.  (Again I say, seriously, who does that???)  It was a long weekend jammed packed full of fun with none other than Michael W. Smith.  The man, the myth, the legend.  Truly, just the man...he was unbelievably humble and gracious and made us and his other 500+ guests feel like we were all sitting in his living room.  Here we are..just hanging out with Smitty at his Family Farm....


The girls stayed "Out on the Farm" with their Grandma Julie & Grandpa Tom.  They (all) loved it, sounded like a really special time between them all!  Lots of helping with "horse chores", leading the mini horses around, getting lots of fresh air, etc...  So glad to have such a great place for the girls to go for fun!! 

Back story: we had found out I was pregnant with Hunter one week before we were to leave for Nashville.  We kept it our little secret until the day we were flying out.  We met my parents for dinner before we were to all stay in the hotel near the airport to fly out early the next morning.  Aaron & I had talked about maybe telling them, and at one point in the dinner I couldn't hold back and chimed my water glass with my fork to make a formal announcement that went something like this "well.....I'm apparently pregnant!"  (remember how I had no idea how or when that occurred...someone needs to give me a biology lesson again I think).  My parents both cheered and got up out of their seats to hug us--they were very surprised and thrilled!  They were the very first people we told this time.  :)  It was a really special memory of beginning our fun trip with them :)  We flew out the next morning. And in the airport we ran into this guy!!!  Matt (one of Aaron's closest friends) was flying out to Chicago I think? Around the same time we were...How fun!!!


We got to stay in a nice hotel with glass elevators in the middle of the huge lobby surrounded by all the rooms.  It was pretty neat, but by the end of the weekend I was officially 6 weeks pregnant and started to resent riding that morning-sickness trap of an elevator...  We got to see concerts by Michael W. Smith in the hotel conference rooms, as well as performances by his super talented children. 

We also were bused (newly pregnant + tour buses...I do not recommend), to "Smitty's" local project for Youth called "Rocketown"  It was a really cool place for local kids to hang out complete with skate park, etc.  They served us dinner there and talked about the organization.  While we went outside and took a group picture, they turned the dinner tables into a concert hall and we were given a very special, memorable intimate concert by Michael W. Smith. 



He talked a lot through out the night, giving little background stories of different famous songs of his.  He is absolutely the most talented pianist I have ever had the privilege of sitting 4 rows from.  He never once had any music in front of himself and would play and play and play and sometimes end one song but continue to play a long intro to the next song.  It was beautiful!!!  He took requests a few times.  For the amount of songs he has ever recorded you'd think he'd forget a line or two, but my goodness, he just seems so filled with the spirit of God's blessings on him in the form of an amazingly talented pianist and singer/songwriter!  Like I said before, he is such a humble man.  The entire weekend he would deflect his talents towards God.  I loved that.  It was easy to admire his Gifts, but at the same time, he made it easier to worship God WITH him, because it was evident he was fully worshiping Christ in front of us.  I loved truly believing he's just a normal guy with his own weaknesses who is fully dependent on God each and every day.  On the last day he shared his testimony and again, it was a humble reminder that God can do amazing things with any one of us screw ups!

We also had some time to explore the city of Nashville.  Wow, what a fun city! 
On stage....we were with the band.


We were told this top picture is the green room (one of 15 that they had, I think?) that Taylor Swift requests. Kind of cool to picture her and other famous singers in these rooms waiting to go on stage.




Mom bought the girls these adorable kid-sized cowboy hats...so naturally we had to pose with them outside the Opry House!



Aaron & I would love to go back, it was a pretty great place to visit!  Especially to this place...most beautiful & unique "hotel" I've ever visited...more like a Disneyland of a huge hotel/garden/shopping/restaurants/indoor rivers that you could boat through/live music bars/beautiful architecture....wow is all I have to say.  The Opryland Hotel.  I didn't get too many great pictures, but it was gorgeous, I dream of the day we could spend an anniversary there!!!
Lots of musical history in this town of Nashville.  We spent a good few hours going through the Country Music Hall of Fame!  I loved it!!




Aaron snapped this picture for his Mom--the Reba display!  :)




(Eating at Jimmy Buffet's Margaritaville with Margaritas!  Mine was non-alcoh.... wah wah)

It was humid & hot out...which was a nice refreshment from the rainy Summer in Oregon we were having!
Here I am soaking up a few rays while we wait to hail a taxi.

A really special part of the weekend was being bused (again...newly pregnant & riding tour buses don't quite mix well, but I survived!) to Michael W. Smith's Family Farm. 

Here's my Mom just chatting it up with Smitty!

We were bused as far as they could take us then we walked a gorgeous path through the woods a ways until we arrived to his beautiful little country paradise.  There was a Cajun band of siblings rocking out when we first got there, they were a lot of fun!! 

And they had a hot air balloon you could "ride" up a little ways (attached to a rope), but after standing in line for 45min in the humid hot sun and moving about 20ft we decided to scratch it. 

They had huge tents set up and a delicious Tennessee catered dinner of BBQ and pulled pork sands, cornbread and other southern deliciousness. 

Then Michael W. Smith gave a fun/meaningful concert, as well as Matthew West and a few other local artists who were songwriters for some of my favorite country artists!  It was fun to hear the back story of some of the songs these people had written for the big names.  (Sorry...I should have written this blog back in June, I could be more specific, but can't remember now!).

I still cannot believe Aaron & I got to go to Nashville with my parents!!  It was so memorable for so many reasons!!  I fully realize being given a vacation with my husband is very rare, which makes me appreciate their thoughtfulness even more.  We ate well, we slept great, we got to visit places I've only dreamed of seeing, we got to spend an entire weekend hanging out with Michael W. Smith! But above all, we laughed a lot and made some really great memories with my Mom & Dad!

Thanks Mom & Dad!!!!  We Love You for wanting to spend time with us!!!!!!!!!! xoxo

One Day at a Time

Dear Self,

6 or so months from now you will have forgotten all that your body entailed during the duration of your pregnancy.  You will, inevitably, see a pregnant Momma and wish for those feelings again.  You will wish to feel the same unknowns and uncertainty and anticipation as you see across every expectant Mother's face.  You will wish to feel those amazing movements that are truly indescribable, yet surreal.  You will long to not have to suck your stomach in during the "after baby" phase, wishing for a legitimate excuse to eat 8 times a day and all the questions and congratulations you get from strangers.  You will miss the attention all pregnant Mommas get.  You will miss feeling cute and confident.  You will miss the special treatment and extra helpful hands strangers offer.  You will miss the mesmerizing sight in the mirror of seeing your belly grow & expand from every imaginable angle.  You will miss all the pregnancy clothes that have sentimental value.  The sweater you wore with your first and third pregnancy.....the swimsuit you wore for your second and third pregnancy....those jeans...that cute top... It's possible that when your tiny baby is screaming his little head off for whatever reason he decides, that at that moment you will remember back to how truly "easy" you had it while he was on the -inside- quiet as can be, no demands.  You will wonder if you will ever be pregnant again.  You will begin to fantasize about future birth dates, future names and start to strategize the plan for your life...

STOP!

Open your eyes & look at your family and realize each one of them is a Gift Straight From God.  Realize His plan is the only plan you need to be concerned with.  And that concern is not worth dwelling over.  Realize, truly realize that all these things you long for is only because you have already experienced them.  That's Amazing.  The movements of life inside you is amazing.

Now since you are 6 months or more away from your pregnancy...you will also, inevitably, have forgotten all that your body entailed during the last several weeks of your previous pregnancy...

So let me remind you...

You may have forgotten what 6 months brought, so let me remind you that you had the stomach flu, food poisoning, a terrible and terribly lengthy head cold, a yeast infection and your first ever hemorrhoids.  It wasn't a great month. 

7 months only brought more bodily soreness.  Including, but not to be limited to...

Your feet hurt. Your back hurts. You have low energy after 3pm every day. Your stomach is all messed up...constipation...diarrhea... Your body has added stretch marks, despite the fact that you lathered yourself up and down with lotion every single day. You cannot see your own underwear.  If you sit too long your back hurts.  If you stand too long your feet hurt.  It is a 6-step process to get out of bed in the morning.  (Which is 6 steps too many when you really have to pee badly every morning) Your stomach has expanded soo much that you often feel it could literally split open because you are doubtful you have room to stretch any more.  The 30+ times a day braxton hick contractions that you once found very fascinating have begun to hurt the larger your belly grows.  You have a difficult time doing simple things you long for....bending over, piggy back rides, carrying your children longer than 2 minutes, laying on your back with out the weight hurting, playing hide & seek in small places & not feeling like you are going to throw up if you bend down, dropping something & simply picking it up, not being out of breath at the top of a flight of stairs... Did I mention your feet & back hurt?

You know you waddle and you're not okay with it.  You have to consciously not waddle.  And you sigh, a lot. 

You Are Uncomfortable!!!

Despite reading all of this I know you will still wish for all the wonderful parts of being pregnant.  And that is okay.  Because truly, it's wonderful you've ever been pregnant in the first place.  God is Good, and these discomforts are a small price to pay to be a part of a true miracle.  Three times. But for now, try to focus on what you have and do not worry about the future. 

One day at a time.

With Love,  Me.

 6 months--Photo by Audrey

7 months--Photo in Skamania

Getting Crafty

I don't necessarily consider myself crafty, so it's ironic I've been doing a craft a day with Audrey lately. It's also ironic I was beyond excited receiving my sister-in-law's old sewing machine she had planned to replace with an upgrade!! It's also ironic I now consider JoAnns Fabric/Craft store one of my new places to meander the aisles of...

Slowly but surely, I'm apparently turning crafty. It's true that every time I have created something related to art I have thoroughly enjoyed it. My family always thought it was funny (or weird?) that during certain times of stress during my growing up years even into middle school/high school, I would pull out a coloring book & crayons and go to town. Not creating anything other than a simple coloring page where I'd try my hardest to stay in the lines. It was a bit of a stress reliever, as was my pottery ceramics class. Hands down (no pun intended) my favorite class of high school. On days when I would skip all other classes all day, I would make it a point to attend that class. Something about working with my hands like that was, again, a stress reliever. I never made anything beautiful, but to me the time of creating something is valuable. There was the painting I made at a significant point in my walk of faith that is a treasured favorite. On the few woman's retreats I have attended there is always a optional craft time, and I am there in a heartbeat, usually from start to finish of the designated "come and go" duration of crafting. I have dabbled in scrap booking.....although it's a sore subject how many supplies I have accumulated and how many books I have actually completed (1.5)...


Fast forward to now and I can whole heartily admit that I am envious when I see other more crafty Mom's doing fun projects with their children. It's a funny thing to be envious of but for some reason I want my children to have those same creative experiences and I feel as though my "artistic inability" as well as a lack of organization prevents me from beginning even a simple project. So we have stuck with coloring pages, paint, and play-doh.....until now.

I finally realized that it's less about creating something beautiful and useful and more about spending the time together goofing around trying to make something. I also realized that the reason I may have a hard time wanting to do a craft is because I have preconceived ideas on what a "Crafty Momma" may look like:

1. Always organized, every step is thought out and planned ahead, cut ahead, structured.

2. You must finish something in one sitting.

3. You must be so creative that you design the craft, no help from the Internet/books.

4. People who look at your handmade creation must say "oh where did you get that?" In which you proudly, yet humbly, reply... "oh this? Oh I made that."

I hate to break it to you who have preconceived ideas about me...but I am the opposite of the above mentioned.

1. I have never had good organization and with my crafting lately I am figuring it out as we go.

2. I have almost never finished something in one sitting.

3. I am an avid supporter of many favorite craft sites as I cannot for the life of me create something new.

4. And if you come within 100ft of my house I will shout out to you "COME LOOK AT THIS!!! I MADE THIS!!!", because I am ever so proud if I actually have finished a crafty project. Yay! :)

A few weeks ago I had the privilege of spending the weekend with 8 other lovely ladies away at the beach. We were all asked to bring one or two of our "favorite things" to be added to every girls' waiting gift bag. (What a cool idea!! Turned out so fun to receive 8 other gifts each with a story or reason why they like their gift--great way to get to know others too!)

In addition to the little pink wine bottle stoppers that I brought for each girl, I also decided to sew something. Yes, that's right. My sis-in-law had given me her sewing machine earlier that week and I thought, why the heck not, let's make your first sewing project for 8 other woman--some of which I didn't know to begin with! During the entire process I couldn't decide if I was brave or just plain crazy to make it for others, but you know what else is ironic? My project turned out pretty darn good. :) I, of course, found the directions online on how to make a microwaveable heat pad. A favorite thing of this crampy girl. I sewed my little heart out, cutting, sewing, cursing at my sewing machine as the bobbin got stuck 800 times, but in the end (and I mean the veryyyyy end--3am the night before we left sort of end.), I actually finished.

They were filled with rice, chamomile tea, peppermint tea, and a tiny bit of lavender oil. A very soothing combination.

So with no further ado, I present to you, the finished product of my first-ever-sewing-craftiness-project:

Can you even tell what it is? So to the left are the inside pockets that I sewed & I stuffed with rice and the scents. Then sewed them up. And the brown/teal outsde pocket is just a cover that is machine washable. The one in the forefront is stuffed and completed.

A definite learning project, but really fun.

Ta-da!

Tired & Humbled: Momma Thoughts on More Children.

God's a funny man.

Every single time, with out fail, that I have ever even remotely expressed/written or even thought that I am the most patient mother in the universe, I am quickly--sometimes very quickly--reminded that I am in fact not. I am not patient.

I AM NOT PATIENT!

I actually am pretty patient....which I say very quietly and hesitantly....but lately I am reminded that I am not as patient a Mommy as I thought I was under trying times.

Both of the Little Girlies are sick right now. Sometimes my "humble reminders" come in the form of sickness, and this time is one of those times. Now before I go on, let me assure you that just because the Girls get sick in the future doesn't, necessarily, mean that I have shouted from the rooftops something along the lines of, "This is Easy! Give me a challenge!". But today I am going to confess that may be partially the truth.

Last weekend I was able to go away with 8 other girls, all Mommas, to a beautiful favorite beach not too far away. We had no husbands, no children, no napping/meal schedules, no rules! It was a refreshing change of scenery, and a wonderful opportunity to hear the hearts of these woman as well as laugh a ton, eat yummy food, drink good champagne & wine and simply, Relax. Besides building the friendships, I still can't decide what my favorite part about the weekend was, the surprisingly beautiful weather, having others cook for me or sleeping in until 9:30!!!! But none-the-less it was a great weekend.

During one of our lengthy conversations about our children who weren't there (of course they still came up lots and lots in convo!), the question was posed to the group: "Do you want to have any more children?" Every girl there has 2 children besides one girl who has 3. We all went around and gave our answer. They were all similar answers, phrased slightly differently...

"No, we're done."

"We'll probably have one more."

"We're okay with more, but we feel done right now."

etc. etc.

Then it was my turn to answer. I smiled and confidently said:

"I feel like I'm just getting started!"

Honestly, most days I do. I love so many parts about being a Mommy, I feel like I have SO much overflowing love for my two girls right now. I feel excited at the possibility to love on an entirely different little person. Oh I can only imagine what other child is waiting for me to Love them! I sometimes feel sad imagining myself "out" of this stage of my life, this child rearing babyhood/toddler years. Every once in awhile Aaron and I talk about what 3 children might look like for our family. I sometimes feel sad thinking about going through this short period of time only "one more time". Being apart of the miracle of a Life! Going through pregnancy, labor (yes I said labor), birthing and those first weeks of blurriness that you never, ever get back with that child. I sometimes daydream about the newness of a tiny newborn again and how exciting each and every little movement or sound or facial expression is.

When I see a pregnant Momma with her first child...

I put myself back to that unsure, emotional time of excitement and unknowns and so many "what if" questions. And then I think to hours after giving birth, holding this tiny little Gift in my arms and vividly remembering how beautifully perfect everything seemed. I try to imagine what is going through a pregnant Mommy's mind and sometimes send them mental thoughts of "You have no idea what is coming & life will never be the same....but it is going to be okay. And so much of your new life is going to be far better than you could have ever dreamt."

When I see a pregnant Momma with a young toddler...

I think back to the unknowns of how to balance it all, how to make each child feel loved and cared for, and how on earth will I ever sleep again? I send that Mommy mental thoughts of "You are doubting every bit of yourself and thinking back to the challenging parts of having a newborn, but with time, it will truly be easier than you thought...You are going into this baby with experience and wisdom...You will be fine."

Basically a lot of my friends think I'm well, a little crazy. I continue to hear phrases like "I just want to pop them out already so I can move on with my life!". It makes me sad for these Moms because I hope they are not missing out on the littlest of little details that sometimes make the days seem really long. All to "get on with" their lives?? I sure hope their children don't feel that way. It makes me sad that some woman do not enjoy Motherhood. It's not all roses and jelly beans over here day in and day out, but I cherish so much of the littlest gestures Audrey will make or the funniest look Ellie gives when she is in trouble, that I am in awe at how meaningful my role is as their Mother. And it reminds me that I am made for this.

Truly. It's the only thing I absolutely know for sure. I was created to be a Mom. Their Mom. That doesn't mean I'm great at it. I sometimes discipline inconsistently, I sometimes give in when I have previously stated reasons why the answer is "no" very firmly... I never get up before the girls anymore, they are my alarm clocks. I sometimes shut the gate to the kitchen & instruct no one to come in only so I can push all the buttons on the coffee maker all by myself and pour the sugar all by myself and stir everything and not make a single mess! I sometimes turn on cartoons first thing in the morning and show after show will go on before I realize I got so sleepy sitting there with them that I forgot to make breakfast! I sometimes am in the middle of a phone call or texting conversation with a Mommy-friend and realize messes are being made, things are broken and Audrey is learning phrases like "Mom, pay attention to me!" I am disorganized and my home is often untidy.

I have plenty, plenty! of faults and lazy tendencies. But I also have a lot of Love.

So back to my little comment at the beach house?

I'm Just Getting Started??

How completely arrogant! Why couldn't I have just said "Oh we'd like to have more eventually" or something vague like "If it happens it happens!"

But no, I have to have this Little House on the Prairie image of the big farmhouse with a dozen of our well-behaved HEALTHY little helper children running around in their homemade dresses drinking fresh-squeezed orange juice & after completing their home school work they quickly ask me what chores I would like for them to do... Oh my, is that really my dream? Honestly, I've never even seen that show/movie/book?

And now? Back to Reality? After a few rocky nights "sleep" with these little girlies being sick and snotty and not able to breath through their noses and both equally pining for my attention, my hugs, my close scent all day long. Ellie Lu has become quite the needy little girl, leading up to this sickness and now that she isn't feeling well? Very few moments of quiet from her. If she is not in my arms you can hear her. Mostly tearless cries, screams really. We blamed it on teeth for a few days there. Then it was maybe a growth spurt or nearing a milestone/adding to her vocabulary, etc...I've tried everything, and I've tried to meet every need. And today at the suggestion of my husband, who was getting the blunt of my snappy attitude and frustration, I put ear plugs into my ears and kept them in for 2 hours! Of course the cries didn't go away. I could still hear her! But I was able to think a little more clearly with the faint sound of cries in the distance... I've never been so annoyed with my child's crying. I have never felt so frustrated for this long of a time. I get more frustrated at myself when I wonder if this is "all I can handle??" Will I just continue to get more and more impatient with each child in our family, when stressful stretches arise?? I don't know what my dreams are anymore.....

I do know that God is a loving God who has given me capabilities as a Wife & Mother, specifically for Aaron, Audrey and Ellie Lu. I know that He wants me to be at my best for them, and He wants me to remember that I will fail, and that He never will. I know that He won't give me more than I can handle, and that my eagerness to love on more of His children is a gift straight from Him.

My hope & prayer as a daughter of Jesus Christ is that I will make Him proud of the gifts He has given me. I hope & prayer that my children feel loved and cared for, even when I make mistakes. I hope & pray that I can continue to ask for guidance and wisdom because you know what? It works.

I hope & pray I can continue to be humbled again like this (what, am I really asking for this feeling again?), so that I may be reminded that I AM NOT IN CONTROL. I can only control my reaction to whatever situation we are in. Sick girls included.

And I hope & pray that I may be given the opportunity to Mother another--or many more--child(ren), depending on what God allows and not necessarily what we as a couple decide.

And I hope & pray that we all get some rest tonight!!!!!!!

Goodnight world!

Relaxing Retreat

How blessed I am...

Here I am sitting by a constant roaring fireplace with 80 foot ceilings (feels like it anyway), in a completely beautiful large, yet cozy, log cabin. Right now I am sitting by a wall of windows overlooking a pond where a fun activity has been to gaze out at a family of ducks splashing, dunking under and swimming about. On the other side of the large great room Indiana Jones is on tv, where the smell of popcorn has just entered the room. Behind more windows there are trees nestling us into this pillared entry, fenced private drive at the edge of the base camp. Right outside is a large green pasture where Elk have frequented by the dozens (50+ yesterday grazing). I have not done nor thought about doing any laundry...unless you count adding to the "dirty clothes bag", and i have only done the same few dishes and pans necessary to survive. I have had nothing hanging over my head and therefore I have been completely relaxed. I have spent the days here almost entirely in my pajamas, warming by the gas fireplace at the convenience of pushing a button, thoroughly enjoying the heavenly view out every window as i feel myself becoming increasingly refreshed as each moment passes.

I am not alone. Infact, just yesterday as I gazed into my youngest daughters smiling face while we finished up our lunch together, making each other giggle, the sounds of a piano rang from the other room as my oldest daughter and her Daddy joyfully harmonized made-up songs about her favorite Toy Story characters. The only interruption were the sounds of their laughter and her requests for Daddy to include more characters. Pure joy. That is what I felt at that moment. Infact, I felt so completely overwhelmed with my feelings that I began to cry. Smiling and tearful I looked out the nearest window, looking high into the heavenly skies and smiled my thankful praises!

Sometimes the best memories for me have been the unexpected ones... A family walk to find the roaming heard of Ek. Playing hide-and-seek until our sides hurt from giggling. Learning how to play Candyland, from a 3 year olds perspective. Finding a nearby pool for a family swim hour. Spending hours by the glow of the fire talking with my love about everything that's important to each of us.
Packing up a picnic, driving out to the beach to look, but instead finding a nearby state park overlooking a lake to eat in the sun (the sun in January!!), while we watched some fisherman catching dinner. Realizing, based on the amount of diapers packed and leftover food, that we are able to stay one more night to extend this total relaxation...

My heart is full. I am abundantly blessed by this little family God has placed in my care. And we are very Thankful that my Dad allowed us to stay here as long as we have. It has been a refreshing change of pace, scenery and memories made...

Our DC & NY Trip!

This post has been about 2 months in the making. I have started it, added to it, and slowly but surely it is now complete. I have basically been trying to get my footing back and get us into a routine, since this trip. But alas, two vacations away, one new nephew born, one week husbandless away for work, and one spontaneous childless getaway (again!!) to see the Boss' this time in Seattle for Kevin's game, I have been trying to keep up with life! No complaints here, it's been a hectic amazing last few weeks!! But finally, this post is complete... Please enjoy...

I was a ball of tears the day before we left on our trip. I would literally be re-counting how many pairs of underwear I'd need & then burst into tears at the thought of not seeing the girls ever. again.

Or at least 10 days worth.

I was packed and had been looking forward to our exciting vacation, but I wasn't ready to leave my children. About a week before we left, I had the realization that they are practically the air that I breathe, and I truly was slightly panicky not knowing what I would do without my air supply for that long. When one or the other would whine or demand something of me leading up to our trip, I would have moments of "oh I can't wait to get away for a bit". But mostly, I was sad. Really, really sad. Truly, I was an emotional wreck.....

And then we left and everything changed!! :)

I had the most fun I have had in a long time. Beginning with an evening with only my husband. We had a yummy dinner we both love before heading out of town, a fun car ride up, a free airport hotel stay (courtesy of my wonderful Dad), and an exciting early morning flying away. It was so fun to be with only my Love. A different kind of fun. A youthful, feeling like a different kind of Ginny, fun. The whole trip was so busy and went by way too fast!

First stop: 5 days in New Jersey/New York!

We had the privilege of staying with one of my best friends for many years, Breanna, in New Jersey. Her college sweetheart and husband, Kevin Boss, plays for the New York Giants so they reside on the East Coast for now. We have talked about wanting to go visit them, but once the plan arose of going to visit my brother & his wife in DC we decided this was our chance to include a few days in the Boss' neck of the woods. We were so glad it worked out!! Bree had just started her nursing job (she is a nurse in a cardiac unit of a big hospital!!), so she had a few days of work while we were there, but we didn't mind seeing the city ourselves since she took some time when we were with her to make sure we knew how to get around. But after our sightseeing and their time at work we would all meet back at the homestead. Those evening chit chats either over dinner somewhere or just lounging during "comfy clothes time" were delightful and memorable getting to know one another better and Bree and I laughing about who knows what, picking right back up where our friendship leaves off each time we see each other. I have not laughed that hard in a long time. And I laugh a lot around our house, between the silly girls & goofy Aaron!! But we're talking tears!! That can only mean one thing: plenty of history with a lifelong friendship :)

Here are some other snapshots from our time with Bree & Kevin and during our day out in the big city:

Walking through Central Park.

Central Park.


Don't worry. He got through. Just. Barely...

Making some NY friends.

Lady Liberty & plenty of rain.

Sinnnnging in the raaaaaain!

After a yummy local dinner.

As if it needs to be said based upon our attire from head to toe... but here we are at the Giants game!

Why yes we are Boss Fans.

Didn't capture the whole crowd of eager fans, but here's a snapshot of signing autographs after the game. Just Kevin, though.

It was odd no one asked us for ours?

Being goofballs before the game, we found Kevin's Jersey being sold in the Giants NFL Pro-shop. So I insisted on taking a picture.

We REALLY looked like crazed-fans, wearing his jersey while taking pictures of his jersey, sleeping in his jersey that night, what? I didn't do that. Ah, haha..

(awkward trailing laughter......)

I was just really excited to be there!!!!! :)

Me & Mrs. Boss Lady :)
Also, first debut of the Glitter Glam "BossLady" Jersey on the Mrs!

Obviously, we had a blast at the Giants game, we enjoyed going out in public where Kevin was often recognized, we loved riding around in style, but ultimately our favorite parts of the trip were just the conversations and laughter. We are eager for the day that we get to be around the Boss' more. They are both lovely, grounded, generous people & Bree is the same sweet Bree I've always known & loved. Thanks again for all your wonderful hospitality friend!!!!!

Second stop: Travel Day

We rented a car to drive from New York to DC. We didn't have major plans, just to travel the countryside and to stop in Gettysburg, PA. It was a delightful day together. Although New York was fun and busy, we knew there would be more busyness to be had once we got to DC, so we were looking forward to our "travel day" as a slower-paced day in the country.

Picking up our sweet ride for the day...

Here is a much better angle of our powder blue baby.

We stopped at the Battle of Gettysburg Museum and even took the self-guided car tour of the historic city, and I tell ya what, I learned a lot!!! I was a little hesitant about going there, as I am not as much of a history buff as Aaron, but I thoroughly enjoyed myself and now have a better first-hand understanding of what the Battle of Gettysburg was all about.

Chattin it up with 'ol Honest Abe.

Truthfully, the day was a little rough on me. Not because my expectations for Gettysburg were lowwww (because I ended up being pleasantly surprised!). Not because of our time together, it was a lovely time. Not because of anything other than my own thoughts. We were SO busy in NY and on this travel time once we were driving, I finally had time to think and miss those two little munchkins who I had left behind. I absolutely knew they were in the best hands with my wonderful Momma, their Gramma Lu, but on this particular day I was homesick for the little Ladies. And there wasn't much I could do about it...

So I text my Mom, asking for her to describe her moment right then. I held my phone and (im)patiently waited....The lump in my throat and my held-back tears turned into laughter with her response. It was a long one, and it included potty training mishaps, attitudes, messes, tears, near injuries from eachother and more messes... I laughed out of pity & out of the reality of what I was missing...and then I felt much better :)

Third Stop: 5 days in Washington, DC!!!!!

Oh what an adventure! I can still taste some of the fabulous wine we drank and food we savoured. Mmmm...Rasikas.... :) Enough said! We couldn't have planned for better tour guides than Tom & Autumn. Of course, someone that lives in the city you are visiting will probably know their way around, but geesh, we really did it up! While Tom & Autumn both had to work, we spent the first day just lounging, we slept in, made coffee, watched TV, just had a splendid leisurely day. We eventually made it out to the city to explore. We had a nice quiet lunch and got to visit the Fallen Officer's Memorial. We walked around and found a recent OSP Fallen Officer's engraved name. As a dedicated & supportive wife of a hard-working police officer, it was quite emotional for me to be there! But it was good, and beautiful scenery.

Fallen Officers Memorial.

We checked out our first museum, the American Portraits Museum. Aaron only set off one of the alarms while we were there... I guess they frown upon you touching the artwork & tripping the invisible alarms, or something?...

Tom & Autumn are total foodies, so you know we ate like Kings & Queens while we were with them. I am not kidding about Rasikas, I am still craving the tastes of the evening spent in that Indian restaurant. Best authentic foreign food I probably have ever had. We also had yummy pizza, where the broad genre "pizza" does not fully do this delicious place justice. We indulged in lamb sliders--YUM, and we enjoyed good sandwiches, appetizers, brunch and of course many cocktails and a variety of wines.

And boy did we see it all!! In one particular day we saw so many of the major monuments with our tour guide Tom leading the way. Tom even said he didn't think he'd seen that much of the city in one day, ever. We took our time at each place too! We just walked and walked and walked until our little feet were tired and our little hearts were content. Here are some snapshots of seeing it all:

Obama's Crib.
I mean, the White House.

Fords Theatre.

Gorgeous new WWII Memorial.

Washington Memorial x2

Tomb of the unknown, changing of the gaurds. This was awesome.

The 4 of us!

Although there were no pictures, we took a evening cruise one night to see the monuments by moonlight from the Patomic River. It was a lot of fun! It became a joke by the end of the trip, but we literally saw Washington, DC from just about every single angle there is possible. By foot, by car, by boat and eventually by plane, we saw it ALL! How fun to have had so many angles. We loved being in such a historic town, it really was very interesting and brought life to a lot of things we had learned, heard or even viewed via TV. But to actually be there was pretty cool. We were so glad we got a chance to go visit the monuments in person, not knowing if we'd ever get a chance to do that again. And it was a lot of fun being with Tom & Autumn. Not only did we get to know them better as adults and as a married couple, but it was so fun to be a part of their lives for a few days!! Yes, very different than our own, in one most obvious way, that we only go out to eat a few times a YEAR! But how fun for us to be a part of their world and enjoy it all with them. :) Thanks again Tom & Autumn for showing us a good time!!!!

It seems surreal that we took this big huge trip together, after over a year of planning, saving, talking about it all and getting the details figured out with care for the girls with some very easily willing, generous help from my parents... but we did go. And we were SO glad that we could!!!

Besides our main hosts' Bree & Tom and their respective spouses, we have a few others to thank.....

Thank you to my Mom SO SO SO much for being so absolutely wonderful, gracious and compassionate with our precious little ones in your care. I know they had a wonderful time by the confusion Audrey had when I was back and you weren't there anymore. You made her feel at ease & safe, which made us feel at ease and comforted knowing you are the next best thing to Momma, and the perfect temporary replacement. And Dad, we appreciate SOOO many things you did for us. From before we left to the moment we walked back into our home, we have so many reasons to thank you. So for all the many things that no one sees or gets to enjoy but us, from the bottom of our hearts, thank you, thank you, thank you!!!!! You both made it so much easier to leave and so much easier to return.

And for that, we are very grateful.

It was such a memorable trip for us!!!!